Hear My Heart

Here’s to insecurities! For myself, I have grown through experiences and learned how to overcome fears such as: talking in public, embracing my klutzy side, learning how to ask for help, and finding contentment in my physical appearance (here’s to hips!)

My current insecurity in life—a lack of understanding to what my purpose is. I have been searching and searching, reaching out and trying different paths but to no avail. Then rather foolishly, I have tried filling this void with many vices, but obviously they are just my personal distractions—a way to find self-affirmation.

I find that my life is one of uncertainty.

I want something permanent, something that cannot be taken away. I want something real, something that I can hold onto. I want something to work towards with confidence knowing that the door won’t slam shut in my face. Is that too much to ask? I am afraid to work towards most anything these days because that door closes—it always closes, rather fast and rather painfully. I am afraid of once again being the new girl in town and having to work hard to find friends. I am afraid of falling in love only to see the guy walk away again. I am afraid of investing in college only to be turned away. I am afraid of seeking out job opportunities only to hear that I am not qualified for the position.

Why can I not work towards something knowing that the hardest part is the journey towards the goal and not have the increasing fear that once again I will be told no by a door slamming shut in my face?

Can there be a store on the corner down the street where I can walk in and find my name on a shelf with a blueprint to my life story? Can someone make that happen? That would just be hunky dory—thank you heaps!

Is there a decision that I can make with a guarantee of a victory? Is that written on my blueprint in that shop somewhere? While I have hope that one day I will understand, I also have a fear that I may not see that day. It is a battle inside me and I am unsure which side will win—hope or fear.

Recently I have heard a faint whisper of an idea, a faint sign pointing down a pathway. Do I dare chase after it? Do I dare hope that this could lead to an opportunity to do something great and move forward in my life? Could this be real?

I treasure the journey that I have been on. I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for the pathways that took me all over the world and back. It is proving true…experience is the best teacher. Though I would still love a blueprint for my life, my best strategy is to pick myself up and put one foot in front of the other, welcoming the journey ahead.

Here is to the grown-ups who need a blueprint—May we continue on our journey with hope! Here is to taking life one hour at a time, finding that open door!

 

***Follow me on Facebook and Instagram (heres2grownups) for random blurbs and post updates. I will–hopefully–be posting a blog every Monday and Thursday!

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