I am pretty sure that I am a chaos junkie—my own made up word for someone who thrives on the adrenaline that comes from the unknown. I’ve gotten so used to something (the good the bad and the ugly) happening in my life but I don’t know what to do when everything is fine. I start asking questions…Where are the sharks? When is the next hurricane? Where’s the storm? It’s nearly foreign to me when the sun is out and there is a rainbow and it’s beautiful outside. I have grown so accustomed to the chaos that I find myself skeptical of the calm.
This makes for interesting living habits haha! There are pros and cons to living this way, expecting the storms of life to hit me. On the one hand, I am prepared for anything to go down. If the storm hits and my life falls apart again, I am used to it—I really just expect it. I don’t mean this as a negative/pessimistic outlook on life. It’s more like trying to build a card castle with a toddler in the house. I have that kind of determined attitude to adult-ing, but pretty sure I’m just going to get knocked down soon enough. The con is that when everything is fine, I am not sure what to do with myself. Shouldn’t there be life’s adorable toddler running around to knock down my card castle? I almost (ALMOST) get bored when everything is well, because I don’t have to run around trying to build the castle again. (What do I do with all this time on my hands?!)
But when a storm hits, even though I had been expecting it—almost willing it—I cannot brave it on my own. It is too much for me to bear. I feel as though I want to take the ship to a cove and hide until it’s all over.
On an episode of Once Upon A Time, they had a North Atlantic Dove rescued by the main character Mary Margaret, who is determined to get the lonely dove back to her flock before the storm hits. I was so curious about the back story mentioned about such creatures that I googled the name (yep, I google.) I came across a verse found in Song of Solomon and the commentary that follows:
|O my dove, that are in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see your countenance, let me hear your voice; for sweet is your voice, and your countenance is comely.*|
My dove… she is mild, and harmless… she is weak, exposed to persecution, given to mourning…subject to many fears, and therefore forced to hide herself in rocks…out of modesty, and a humble sense of her own deformities and, infirmities, which makes her endeavour to hide herself even from her Beloved, as ashamed to appear, in his presence…be not afraid nor ashamed to appear before me; come boldly into my presence, and acquaint thyself with me (your) prayers and praises (and yourself) are accepted by me, and are amiable in my sight.*
I sat in awe just staring at the screen for a good half an hour, reading again and again how I identified with a dove. Those feelings, those fears, those reasons for hiding, all of the above I can relate to it all. But I don’t have to hide. I can live every day with confidence, not giving into the anxieties or pressures of successfully adulting because I am loved, I am of one heart and soul with my God.
Here is to adult-ing the storms of life—may we not run and hide our face, but bravely face the storm head-on!
*Song of Solomon 2:14; Isaiah 38:14; Ezekial 7:16
*Barnes’ Notes on the Bible Commentary
***Follow me on Instagram @heres2grownups for random blurbs and post updates. I will–hopefully–be posting a blog every Monday and Thursday! (Although the new goal is just to get at least a blog up a week hahaha!) Also if anyone is on good terms with Ellen Degeneres, I’d love to get noticed by her!