“As of an hour ago my address changed to ‘huh’ ”*
Of all my different moves, there are several that took on themes of their own. There was the one where everything got lost—from the truck to the the people helping me and several of my boxes just vanished. There was the move where everyone got hurt—twisted ankles and banged up fingers. Then the move from Cali to here in Colorado where it was the most stressful and difficult move to date. This current move has a never ending feeling to it ha! Every turn there seems to be a delay and I have remained in limbo for over a month now—living out of boxes for two!
This causes all kinds of confusion such as I am running out of shampoo even though I know I have several more bottles full in a box somewhere! And then how on earth do I update my address on things? I have my friends address that I gave to the post office but renters insurance needs to know where my belongings are which is a different location. Then I have been staying at another friend’s house where my car is…and my auto insurance wants to know that address… (Where on earth would I be without my awesome friends! May God bless them!) But here shortly I will be in my new place and have to go about changing my address on everything again!
Gah! My life does not make sense ha! I don’t need to visit Four Corners tourist attraction—I already live in four different places according to my bills hahaha!
There seems to be different levels to the answer, “I’m okay.” Because there is this thing called Trauma, any kind of trauma—there is no fighting over who has it worst– it’s all a big deal and has a major effect on us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
“I don’t think people thoroughly understand the effects that trauma has on the brain. It has very similar effects to having a concussion in trying to recover from that. It is a very long process and little things can trigger you and make you feel like you are back in that same situation. Your brain doesn’t know any different and so if somebody does the same thing to you that you experienced [previously]…it will shut down your brain. It puts you in survival mode or flight mode or fight mode and then all of a sudden you lose [your] cognitive abilities.”*
So long story short, I had a panic attack the other day at work. Ahhhh good times! My manager wasn’t familiar with panic or anxiety attacks, so she just encouraged me to take a minute then get back to work. After bursts of tears and running out to my car because I couldn’t breathe, I could barely function. After about an hour, I got the bright idea to google what having a panic attack feels like and then I showed her the definition:
“A panic attack is a feeling of sudden and intense anxiety. Panic attacks can also have physical symptoms, including shaking, feeling disoriented, nausea, rapid irregular heartbeats, dry mouth, breathlessness, sweating, and dizzyness. The symptoms to a panic attack are not dangerous but can be very frightening.”
Thankfully, my manager had empathy, found a coworker to take over my spot and let me go home. There should definitely be mental health/sick days.
“You’re going to be fine, you always are.”
Yes, I will be.
But please allow me a moment to express and display my sadness and discomfort. I know it will get better, but I need to also be honest and say my spirit is temporarily heavy and not have to hide that.*
I’m not one for cliches because they seem to try to sum up the hard times and just keep doing life. But life is hard and if we aren’t careful about dealing with struggles then those emotions will find a way to show themselves.
“You know when you need to be loving life but your heart isn’t ready. Sometimes you just need a little comfort something. Like I have on a dress and I thought I was being fancy but then I put sweatpants under it, so pardon me there!”*
So what makes it easier when life is hard? The little pleasures in life like a dress with sweatpants, drinks with friends, a pint of ice cream—it’s not just finding time to smell the roses but learning to take a deep breath, a pause, and find something that makes you smile—then enjoy it! Life will always be hard, and our world is getting harder—so why not do what makes you smile to balance out the struggles.
Here’s to the grown-ups who are broken pieces—May we make the most beautiful kaleidoscopes from our stories!
~Adalaide Green @Copyright 2022 regularly posting on Thursdays! *All photos found on the internet unless otherwise stated *A line taken from “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” *TikTok reel credit to Brandi Lyn *Kaya Nova *Actress Jennifer Garner
Adalaide Green is the author of the Heres2grownups blog. She grew up as a small town girl originally from Colorado, used to reside in Southern California, but is now settled back into her hometown in Colorado—and has been Here and There and Everywhere-in-Between. Surviving the adult everyday life, single and in the thirties club, she writes of her adventures in hopes to encourage fellow grown-ups while battling heartbreak, dating scenes, paying bills with no money, making friends who have no time for get-togethers, and trying to find her place in this world! Follow Adalaide Green on Facebook or Instagram @adalaide_green for laughs, giggles and encouraging memes! Here’s to growing up in this crazy world!
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